the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I touched a dick in church today
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
