I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
