Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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