can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
