I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
