I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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