I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
