we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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