i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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