evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
