so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize