People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
