my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Randomize
