piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
