You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
