shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
