Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
