Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
