Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
