He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
pray to the hookup gods
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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