I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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