Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
