He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you inspire me to be a worse person
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
