If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
