I'm lost and stupid without you.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
