yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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