You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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