shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
