if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
