i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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