Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
