i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
