I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
