Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
