we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
