lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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