i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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