she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize