I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
