I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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