i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
