Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I think my vagina is haunted
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
whose ass print is on the piano?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I got inside last night via doggy door
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize