for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize