he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
