Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
