how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
