he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
