I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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