OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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