You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
i think i just lost a toe
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
