I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
