Kiss
Puke
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
not ubering you a puppy
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
