How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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