Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
