I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
