at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
