in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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