found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
