That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
