What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
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