i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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