Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Green mimosas i think yes
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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