hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
