I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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