yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
