I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
