it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I cut my penus on the lid.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
