Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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