I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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