my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
