I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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